


Not The One

by ButterflyPrincess



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, Luka feeling all the feels, M/M, Pining, made up girlfriend, short Smut part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 09:53:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7503826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyPrincess/pseuds/ButterflyPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fabian is trying to get over Dayun, while Luka is trying to get over his unfaithful girlfriend. <br/>Too bad one of them is lying and it's not Fabian.</p><p>aka. Fabian and Luka are friends with benefits and Luka is slowly but surely done with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Take some angsty Perkbiven smut I vomitted on a piece of paper as I actively ignored my homework months ago and the only way I can see Zverkz become reality and there you have this. 
> 
> So, enjoy Luka being a ball of bitter feels while I go back to pretending I'm actually going to finish some of the shit I still have somewhere on my PC. 
> 
> Have fun <3

The Things you can't have

 

 

Having Fabian's lips on his had always made his head swim more than he could take. Having his arms wrapped around his body was the best feeling in the world. Having Fabian's dick up his ass... Well, that goes without saying. He would kill for that one at any given time.

 

However, seeing the desperate look he gave Dayun every time he saw them together was the thing that made Luka want to kill himself. Well, not literally but it was close. Partly because yes, he was fucking jealous because yes, he was in love with that idiot. Partly because he found so much of himself in that look. That desperation. That feeling of wanting something – or rather _someone –_ he could not have.

 

To his own disgrace he had listened to every bit of Fabian's and Dayun's story. False hopes, failed attempts at confessions, innocent kisses leading to uncomfortable conversations and eventually the official rejection. Luka knew about it all. He had listened, even comforted Fabian in the foolish belief that maybe, _maybe_ Fabian might end up actually falling in love with him. He was naïve.

 

But even more than he was naïve he was weak. He was fucking weak and he gave up on denying that faster than he would've liked.

 

He could still deny it after him and Fabian ended up in a toilet room of the arena together, panting and in need of relief after their match against each other. He would always remember how it had started off as playful teasing on his side and ended in angry lips forced onto his, commanding him to shut up but he wouldn't and finally they would be there in that bathroom and Luka was very sure that there had to be someone very close to them but they hadn't exactly bothered making the two aware of them.

That one hadn't been out of weakness, it was just two friends-slash-rivals fucking in a public bathroom because they would've had sex with someone after that day anyway – one out of frustration, the other out of euphoria – so why not with each other?

 

It was harder to deny his weakness when Fabian first opened up to him about his feelings for Dayun. When he had seen him cry for the first time ever and his heart had felt warm and ice-cold at the same time because he was so _so_ jealous but also there was his friend right next to him crying and he wiped away his tears as lovingly as he possibly could. Eventually, when Fabian had looked at him like the hurt puppy he was, calling him cute, their lips had soon found each other and they had just gone with it.

He had been weak for the first time there but that was still fine, wasn't it?

 

He had given up on denial when Fabian had made his offer. When he talked to him in all seriousness about how it was impossible for him to get over Dayun and how he needed some sort of distraction and all that kind of stuff and the result was the question whether Luka was willing to be that sort of distraction... Like, friends with benefits and shit and he had given in. Wait, no. He hadn't _given in_. It hadn't been like that at all. No, he had thrown himself at Fabian's feet in most subtle meaning of the metaphor. He had not hesitated any longer than what was necessary to not seem too desperate.

 

It left him with a certain bitterness, that decision. He didn't want to feel like that, obviously. He didn't want to feel that bitterness towards Dayun because he had something Luka apparently didn't because Fabian was in love with _him,_ not Luka.

 

He didn't want to feel like slitting Fabian's throat would be a damn pleasant thing to do because he was using him to get over some cute little Korean.

 

What was it even with Fnatic players and their Koreans? Was that some kind of addiction? Like, if you had one you want to catch them all? Was it like that? Like Pokémon? It made him groan in frustration every time.

 

But he was weak, so instead of “breaking up” – what was there to break up when they weren't a couple in the first place? – he just went on with it. Fucking Fabian, being fucked by Fabian depending on the mood. No feelings – nice joke – no obligations. Nothing but two friends fucking every now and then. That one was repeatedly having their heart ripped out? No problem.

 

.

.

.

 

“Hngh... Go faster, _Fabiantje~_ ”, Luka demanded between uncontrolled moans, laying all of his dedication on stressing Fabian's nickname, very well knowing he was driving him insane with it. Oh, he knew how much Fabian wanted to punch him for those things, those little stings he was giving him over and over, every time he had the chance.

 

“Stop calling me like that”, Fabian snarled under his breath. However, he obeyed nonetheless causing the boy underneath him to groan in satisfaction. None of them really knew if Luka was satisfied simply because he got what he wanted sexually or because he always knew how to trigger Fabian. How to verbally hurt him again and again. Probably it was both at the same time.

 

“Hah- What's the matter... _Fabiantje_? Still can't cope with your little Korean rejecting you?” Luka smirked. He knew how it made him feel. Exactly the same way he himself felt every single time they did _this._ Every single time when he knew that Fabian might be with him but was actually thinking of Dayun. Did he even understand how it felt? When you were with the person you love but that person wants to be with someone completely else? But then again, how was he supposed to know? It's not like Luka had ever told him.

 

“How can you still talk so much with a fucking cock up your ass?” Fabian grunt into him forcefully, making clear he didn't want to hear any more. He was successful as he hit Luka's prostate hard, making his vision go blank and drawing a moan from him how only he could. Not that Fabian knew he was the only one.

 

“How can you- Ah...”, Luka's desperate try to reply was interrupted by another hard thrust. He gave up. He was still weak, no matter how hard he tried to act confident or cocky or how hard he tried to be the one in control, he always failed. He always lost it when they were together like this and each time it made his heart break a little more, made him feel more and more bitter because he knew every look, every touch, every _sound_ was not for him. It wasn't for him, it was all for Dayun, all for him because it had always been all for _him._

 

He came with the next hard thrust. They both did, in fact. Because they were so perfectly synchronized, it was disgusting really. It made him feel even worse. That they were so perfect with each other but even that didn't change the slightest bit. That still didn't make them boyfriends, it still didn't give Luka his happy ending. Actually, who was he kidding? As if he had ever seriously hoped for a happy ending like some kind of fool. He just would've liked something more... serious? Not even that but both feeling the same way would've been good enough. Regardless of whether it was Fabian loving him back or him not being interested in Fabian at all.

 

They were just lying there, side by side as Luka tried to ignore how much of a mess he was, spread out on this bed in some hotel room in Berlin, covered in sweat and semen and all that gross shit. He knew the receptionist had known what this was about when they had booked a room here for the first time. He would never forget that judgemental look on that middle aged man. But as long as he got his money he couldn't openly complain, could he?

 

The hotel was a necessity because they couldn't just fuck in their gaming houses. Although everyone most likely knew about them because what were the odds of Fabian and Luka always being out at the same time without meeting? After several weeks, they were indescribably low. Also, they both always came home with hickeys, messy hair and all after those nights, so counting two and two together between the two houses it wasn't that hard to figure out. Nonetheless, they didn't exactly want everyone to hear, so yeah. Hotel.

 

Luka sighed quietly and let his eyes wander over the boy next him. Every curve of his body, every hickey, every little something on his skin, just _everything_. He couldn't help but still feel his heart skipping multiple beats and butterflies invading his stomach. Even after all this time, all the times he had had to realize that Fabian didn't reciprocate his feelings... He still felt in love.

 

“Will you ever get over him?”, he mumbled before he could stop himself. He wasn't asking Fabian, obviously, he was asking himself but how was Fabian supposed to understand that? He wasn't the perceiving type really. If he was he would've never actually believed that Dayun's banter and affection had ever been anything more than platonic. Of course Luka knew that it took far less than that to fall head over heels for someone.

 

“I don't know, why are you asking?” Fabian sighed. Jealously crept up in Luka.

 

“Well, I just wanna know how much longer I have to endure you and your cock”, he laughed, more forced than anything else, but Fabian didn't seem to notice.

 

“Hey, you usually don't look like you have to “endure” anything.”

 

Luka had to use up all of his composure to suppress a dry laughter. _“Don't look like you have to endure anything”, nice joke._ He just shrugged instead because in the end he couldn't blame Fabian for anything. Okay, maybe any other normal person would've at least noticed _something_ was off but he was far away from actually believing Fabian would ever notice anything at all.

 

“And what about you? Still missing your Croatia girl?”, Fabian asked teasingly.

 

Oh yeah... That story he had told Fabian back then to seem a little less desperate. Or maybe just as desperate but for another reason. He had just made up a story about a girlfriend he used to have back in Croatia but she had cheated on him some time after he had left home and well... It was a cheap story but believable enough at least.

 

“Well... She tries to call me sometimes but... I'm not having it, you know?” He took a brief second to appreciate his own talent in acting, for that had sounded actually like he was feeling it. _Nice one, Perkovic, nice one._

 

“No? I thought you loved her. Why not try again?”

 

It was almost funny. How the guy he was desperately in love with tried to encourage him to go get some girl that didn't even exist. Except that Luka couldn't exactly bring himself to laugh about all that crap anymore.

 

“Would be a bit pathetic, don't you think? Holding on to someone who broke your heart?” He didn't have to act at all this time. It was what he had been thinking about them for weeks. It was pathetic, so _so_ pathetic to hold on to this, this shit they had going on here even though he was feeling worse every time.

 

“Isn't that what I'm doing?”, Fabian laughed dryly.

 

“I never said you were not pathetic”, Luka retorted at once, taking the friendly hit on his arm with a laugh, a real one almost.

 

“Asshole.”

 

“You gotta know”, he murmured and finally got up from the bed, heading towards the shower.

 

“Hey, want me to join you?” Fabian wiggled his eyebrows. It could almost be perceived as the usual gay banter if it wasn't clear that this was an actual question.

 

Luka bit his lip. _Pathetic,_ he heard a little voice in his head hiss. Maybe he could not be weak just this once.

 

“Rather not.”

 

The bathroom door fell shut.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Best

 

 

Alongside a more than embarrassing MSI run and his usual struggles that being in love with someone who friendzones you like only Fabian “Febiven” Diepstraten could naturally brings along, Luka had the pleasure to encounter another source of jealousy: Martin “Rekkles” fucking Larsson. Like... What the fuck?

 

Yeah, Martin and Fabian had obviously been friends longer than him and Fabian but when the latter actually dared to send him a picture of him and Martin, lying next to each other unbearably close underneath the Turkish sun together with the text “Think I'm getting better ;)” he just wanted to straight up throw himself out of that fucking window next to his bed.

 

He was far beyond frustrated at this point. So he had provided sex as well as emotional comfort for Fabian for the last few months and then pretty boy Martin just dragged him along to Turkey and _boom_ “Fabiantje” is cured from his oh so bad heart ache? That sounded even more ridiculous if you thought it through like that.

 

Of course, Luka wasn't the type to make false assumptions too fast, so of course he had asked first. If something happened, what happened, what that meant. And honestly, as much as he had feared it... When Fabian had confirmed that yes, him and Martin talked about things and yes, they had been sleeping together and oh yes, there were definitely feelings involved and that yes, he might finally be over Dayun, he couldn't bring himself to be surprised.

 

Maybe it was what he needed. Knowing that he didn't even stand a chance with Dayun out of the competition. It didn't make it significantly easier to deal with but in the long run he felt like maybe that knowledge would help him. Maybe, if he told himself that he probably simply wasn't Fabian's type, he would finally get over him as well.

 

He suppressed the thoughts deep in the back of his head that told him that he wasn't desirable enough or not mature enough. That he just wasn't good enough to be loved. That it was all his thought because maybe if he had just said _something_ at least, maybe they could've become a thing. But as much as those thought haunted him at night, he was smart and confident enough to know they were wrong. In the end it was most likely simply about Fabian being too oblivious and him being too scared to say something.

 

Unfortunately, despite all, seventeen-year-old hearts aren't really trained at letting go.

 

.

.

.

 

Luka knew something was wrong the second Fabian had called him. They had to talk, he had said. Yeah, sure as hell they had to. They should have done that a million years ago. It was painfully obvious that oh yes, they _so_ had to talk shit out. But why now?

 

Luka knew why now if he was honest to himself but he refused to believe it. But in the end he was no fool. He knew what this was going to be about. Fabian would tell him about Martin, everything about all the thing he basically knew that happened in Turkey because unlike Vegas things that happened in Turkey didn't have to stay there (except maybe some EU Diamond scrub's Challenger Rank) and then he would tell him that they had to stop fucking and why did he even bother wasting his time if he knew about the outcome anyway?

 

But whatever he thought of it, here he was, in some relatively quiet place in the middle of Berlin. Arms crossed, sceptical look on his face waiting for Fabian to say something, _anything._ He hated that silence. It was awkward and unnecessary.

 

“C'mon, Fabian. What do you want?”, he finally asked, sick of Fabian struggling to start talking and all that. He knew what was coming, why delay it?

 

“I... We need to stop seeing each other.” Wow. Shocking. “I-I mean not _seeing_ each other but... you know.”

 

Jesus, that was pathetic. “Fucking, you mean?”, he said without hesitation. He was far beyond caring and hell, if Fabian wanted to end it then, goddammit, he should just do it and be a man about it. “Just say it. You don't want us to be fucking anymore because you now have your dream generic blonde model girlfriend, right? And don't dare look at me like that, you know who I mean.”

 

Luka felt his heart break. Strange, he had thought there wasn't much left of it to begin with.

 

“Luka, I... Yes. Yes, that's it. I... We... You know, in Turkey...”

 

“Stop.”

 

Fabian looked at him in confusion. “What?”

 

“Stop. Stop explaining. Stop... talking about it, about _him._ I don't wanna hear it.”

 

“What- Why are you so upset? I mean, yeah sure it was great but... You knew it wouldn't be forever. And since you said you don't care about your girlfriend anymore I thought you would be okay if-”

 

“There never was a girlfriend!”, he blurted out. _Nice composure, I should give people lessons on that._

 

“There- what?”

 

He took a deep breath. The bomb had been dropped, there was no going back now. “I... I never had a girlfriend. There... never was such a thing as me trying to get over my unfaithful girlfriend.”

 

Round two of Fabian being confused. _If talent shows accepted being confused as a talent that dork would win every one of them._

 

“You... Then why...?” Fabian stopped himself, took a moment of silence. Then he seemed to understand. “You...?”

 

Luka nodded and took a step forward. He knew it would change a thing, not a bit, not at all. He knew that what he was about to do would only cause him to feel even more pain and on top of that it would make Fabian feel guilty. But strangely enough, he wanted that. He wanted Fabian to feel guilty. To know what he had done to him unknowingly.

 

“Yes, Fabian”, he whispered as he brought a hand up to touch Fabian's cheek. It reminded him of the time when Fabian had sat next to him crying and he had wiped off his tears. It made him smile somehow. “Yes, Fabian... I... I love you.”

 

He pressed his lips onto Fabian's tenderly, feeling them for what felt like and most likely was the last time. One second, two seconds. He didn't expect Fabian to respond to it, to kiss him back. Of course he didn't. He reluctantly let go, ended the kiss and he decided that if Fabian couldn't even say the word “fucking” out loud then fine, then he would be a man about all of this at least. Eventually. He didn't want to be weak anymore. Thus, he looked Fabian straight into the eyes.

 

“Luka, I... I didn't know, I would never have... I'm sorry, I-”

 

“No. Don't apologize. It's my fault, honestly. You know, I kinda thought I could be good enough for you eventually. That maybe if you got over Dayun I stood a chance but... that was stupid to think. How would you have known? I mean... I never told you.” He let out a weak laugh.

 

“You shouldn't be 'good enough' for anyone, you know? You should be the best. You're too good to be number two.”

 

It made Luka laugh. Genuinely laugh. Well, after all Fabian was still his friend. “That was so fucking cheesy, what the fuck.” Fabian laughed along.

 

“But... We can still be bros, right? Otherwise that would be kinda sad actually.” Fabian looked at him with his best puppy look.

 

“Of course, you idiot.” Luka's laugh got a bit more relaxed as Fabian wrapped an arm around his shoulder, like any good bro would.

 

“Hey... Is... Is he the... 'best' for you?”, Luka asked quietly.

 

Fabian shrugged. “I don't know but... I've known him for so long and I think he could be good for me.”

 

Luka bit his lip. “And I couldn't?”

 

The silence was more reply than he had needed. “It's okay, I get it.”

 

“I just...” Luka cut him off by shaking his head. “Don't worry, I'm fine. Don't feel responsible or some shit. I'm a big boy, I can deal with it.”

 

Fabian just nodded. Maybe the idea of them together hadn't been very favourable in the first place.

 

.

.

.

 

Coming back to the gaming house after a break (or a disastrous international tournament) also meant excitement in a way. And not only that, it had a strange touch of coming home to it. The only difference to an actual home was that there wasn't something changed every time you come home to your parents. Or at least, it's not that there are always people joining and leaving and all that.

 

They had brought in Emperor and Trick in spring and now Jin-Hyun was gone, as well as Glenn and no, no he wasn't happy with that. He would've preferred them to stay, thank you very much. But that's not how it worked, so he had given them both good-bye hugs, wishing Jin-Hyun good luck and promising Glenn to crush him every time they would meet on the Rift. It was bitter-sweet in a way.

 

On the bright side: Zven and Mithy. He didn't know Jesper all too well, honestly but he kind of liked Alfonso from what he had taken away from some short exchanges, some friendly banter and interviews. So maybe it wouldn't be all too bad after all.

 

And well... After only a few weeks, as he started to get used to them, he slowly thought of Fabian less and less. They remained friends, of course. Their chemistry was just too good to not be at least that. But he stopped wishing for more than that.

 

Instead, slowly and steadily, he noticed his look lingering on Jesper a few seconds longer than normal. They touched each other “accidently”, hugged more than usual and the air around him felt way too bubbly when they were laughing together. It made him feel light every time.

 

Well... Maybe, just maybe, he could be someone's best in the end.

 


End file.
